01 Harvard University
Male, Asian
BA, Computational and Applied Mathematics, Computer Science, Statistics
The steady hum of the fan murmurs in the silence of my dorm room. The brightness of the lamp contrasts sharply with the stifling gloom of the rest of the room. It's way past midnight, yet I'm still awake, pondering. I lean back in my chair to get away, but the nagging reminder of a quickly-approaching deadline still overwhelms me. I can almost feel the depressive stress permeating the dorm as everyone races to finish his project. [redacted potentially personally identifying information] is a high-pressure environment, as was promised. My frustration and anxiety echo the theme of Sergei Rachmaninoff's Prelude in C-Sharp Minor, a piano piece I've recently played.
本篇作者是被哈佛大学计算机科学专业录取，但他对艺术和音乐却有着浓厚的兴趣和天赋，这着实给人一种强烈的反差，令人印象深刻。而个人陈述正是给了他一个表现自我的出口，把自己不一样的一面介绍给招生官，让招生官感受到一个与众不同的申请者。作者能在成功“销售”自己的同时，还能把俄罗斯著名的钢琴演奏家拉赫玛尼诺夫的交响曲和自己的情绪连接起来，这也展现了作者博学多识的一面，更表现出自己是一个有艺术细胞的理工科学生。作为个人陈述的开篇，它可以成功地引导了招生官想要继续去了解作者别具一格的一面。
由此可见，申请者若有能形成反差的兴趣爱好，可以作为一个加分项在个人陈述里具体呈现，这会给招生官留下好印象。
02 Cornell University
Female, Non-Hispanic
BA, Biology, Microbiology
I first became aware of the problems with the scientific community's focus on "Western" diseases in my Spanish class when we studied the effects of actinic prurigo in rural communities throughout the Americas. Actinic prurigo is an autoimmune disease that results in painful, easily-infected skin lesions as a result of sun exposure. No cure exists for it, and current treatments are ineffective. Despite the fact that many people throughout the Americas suffer from this disease, little research is being done to cure it. Actinic prurigo is just one of many diseases ignored by the scientific community because they affect areas which don't conduct a lot of their own research.
作者开篇就以及自己在做的研究为引子，严谨科学地陈述了该研究的现状。对于一个高中生来说，对科研有浓厚的兴趣并且在该领域还有所发现，这是非常难得的，招生官被这类文书打动也是意料之中。
作为一个学术研究类的院校，作者这种目的明确想要潜心做研究的学生，自然会受到康奈尔的青睐。作者准确抓住了康奈尔的喜好，并且了解到康奈尔对研究会提供大量的经费，她没有在文笔和词汇上花费大量的精力做修饰和润色，而是直接以一种学术研究范儿的口吻来进行个人陈述的开篇，特立独行却又合情合理。
申请者若对科研或学术类院校感兴趣，不妨借鉴作者的这种方式来写个人陈述。不过，要确保自己的研究兴趣有迹可循，切忌大谈夸张无实质意义的空话。
03 Dartmouth College
Female, Asian
BA, Computer Science
Activities:
Computer / Technology Volunteer 3 years
Library Volunteer 4 years
Hospital Volunteer 2 years
Choir 2 years
From the day I first laid my eyes on a computer screen, I have been absolutely fascinated with technology. I can still remember sitting in my father's lap as a toddler peering into his old laptop and trying to grab the delicious-looking red trackball in the middle of the keyboard. Yes, at the age of two I had an eye for technology. In kindergarten, when I returned home from school, I would enthusiastically run to the now ancient computer and discover something new on PowerPoint 2000. There was nothing more absolutely thrilling to me than technology, an interest that exactly none of my peers shared with me. My friends had even fashioned the nickname "tech support" for me, a name which I have stayed true to.
在没有丰富的课外活动或爱好做背景，只有些许志愿者经历的前提下，质朴又真诚的理想也能打动藤校招生官！本篇文书就是一个极好的例子。
作者开篇以倒叙的写法把自己自幼年起与计算机结下的渊源介绍一番，这与她申请的专业不谋而合，清晰明确的把自己未来规划也做了铺垫。每个读者都能通过仔细阅读感受到作者对计算机的喜爱和专注，招生官也不免被这份热情而打动。各处细节描写也是这篇文书的特色，极为生动的笔法让人有身临其境的感觉。因此，我们不仅可以借鉴作者对目标专业的态度，还能从她欢快的文笔中获得灵感。
04 Princeton University
Female, Asian
BS, Bioengineering and Biomedical Engineering
The Rainbow After the Storm
My fingers were racing across the keyboard as I put the final touches on my English paper when all of a sudden—BAM!—my laptop went still. Frozen. Stuck. The only movement remaining was the rainbow pinwheel loading icon. No matter how hard I clicked the mouse or how loud I screamed at the screen, my laptop refused to budge. Helpless, I prayed that my work would be saved as I waited for the wheel of doom to cease spinning.
这篇文书作者成功的被藤校普林斯顿大学录取，除了作者本身专业兴趣对口之外，该文书的开头也是一大亮点。首先，作者给自己的个人陈述起了标题—风雨之后见彩虹。紧接着作者在开头把经历过的“风雨”娓娓道来，连续使用几个节奏感十足的动词，事情发展扣人心弦，尤其在段尾的戛然而止，令人更迫不及待的想要了解作者之后见到的“彩虹”。加之这本身就是很多人都有过的一个体验，更容易让人有“感同身受”之感。作者给自己个人陈述定的这个主题，也从侧面反映出作者解决问题的能力，一举两得。申请者如果有意向写一个主题明朗的个人陈述时，不妨借鉴本文作者去给个人陈述定个标题，抓人眼球，主旨清晰。
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