11月1日，加州大学9所本科分校正式开启接收学生2022年秋季入学申请。

屏幕前的各位准留学党们准备的如何了呢？要知道这几年来加州大学申请可是越来越“卷”了，据官网公布的数据显示，加州伯克利和UCLA这两所旗舰分校，21年综合录取率都下降了超3%。

而且加州大学这九所公立大学相当傲娇，不但不和其他学校共用Common App系统，主文书还比人家多了三篇，需要从八个话题中选择四个话题作答。

加州大学四篇文书每篇还都比通用申请主文书短，只有350字，如何用如此简短的话语描述一个精彩的故事呢？今天我们就一起选择四个话题，从往年录取学生的优质范文出发分析看看。

问题一：

Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.（请举例说明你的领导经历，在这些经历中，你对他人产生了积极的影响，帮助解决了争议，或为团队的努力做出了贡献。）

范文：

Three thousand, four hundred and seventy one dollars. That was the bill for the hotel room expenses alone for our thirty member excursion. And those were the least of my worries for the weekend. Between drilling wood pieces into a working frame for Air Trajectory and tying a knot in floss to build a pendulum, I was running down the halls, talking to worried parents on the phone, anatomy textbook in hand. The other captains study while I ensure everyone eats dinner and sleeps by 2am, responsible as the school’s sole legal representative for ensuring typical high school shenanigans of music blasting didn’t manifest into real danger. Despite the challenges, I love how self-sufficient we are. North Hollywood students are greeted with an association of, “Aren’t you that school that crushes us in Science Olympiad?” followed by a joking, “Stop!” We don’t have a single adult teaching us, whether in learning to use power tools or conducting flame tests.

As the only member of the Science Olympiad team with four years of experience, I carry weight with seniority and position, but also a nostalgia for friendships dimmed as team members graduate. When others concentrated solely on performing well at competition, I couldn’t disagree however heart-wrenching it felt -- but I wanted a strong team dynamic, a home for us at school. So I worked on producing it, forming mentorship programs, pairing up freshmen with upperclassmen in events. Whether teaching about mosquito reproduction in standing water or the equivalent of a statistics course I had yet to take, my own enthusiasm seeping into a bobbing ponytail, all I hope for is a continuation of the “FamilyOly” I’ve grown to love.

Science Olympiad was a microcosm of the larger school, where competition ran in the very veins of the institution. But to me, it had become a family evolving with my role, from the little sister of the team to finally the senior captain.

（翻译仅供大致参考：三千四百七十一美元。这是我们三十名会员出游时的住宿费单。这些都是我周末最不担心的事。我一边在“空气轨迹”(Air Trajectory)的工作框架上钻木块，一边在牙线上打结做一个钟摆，一边在走廊里跑着，手里拿着解剖学课本，和忧心忡忡的家长们通电话。其他队长负责学习，而我则确保每个人在凌晨2点前吃完饭和睡觉，作为学校唯一的法定代表负责确保典型的高中音乐爆炸恶作剧不会酿成真正的危险。尽管有这些挑战，我喜欢我们的自给自足。北好莱坞的学生们会受到这样一个协会的欢迎:“你们不就是在奥林匹克科学竞赛中打败我们的那所学校吗?”接着是一句开玩笑的话:“停!”无论是学习使用电动工具还是进行火焰测试，我们都没有一个成年人教我们。

作为科学奥赛队中唯一一名有四年经验的队员，我具有重要的资历和地位，但我也对队员们毕业时失去的友谊充满怀念。当别人只专注于在竞争中取得好成绩时，我不能不同意，不管这感觉多么令人心痛——但我想要一个强大的团队活力，一个我们在学校的家。所以我开始制作它，组建导师项目，在活动中为大一新生和高年级学生配对。无论是教蚊子在死水里繁殖，还是教我还没上过的统计学课程，我自己的热情浸透在飘动的马尾辫里，我所希望的只是延续我所喜爱的“FamilyOly”。

科学奥林匹克是整个学校的一个缩影，在这里，竞争在这个机构的血脉中流淌。但对我来说，它已经变成了一个随着我角色的演变而演变的家庭，从球队的小妹妹最终成为了资深队长。）

解析：

这篇文章之所以成功，是因为作者不仅从头到尾展示了他们的领导技巧，而且强调了使她成为一名成功领导者的品质和特点。作者成功地传达了她参与了带领她的奥运团队的各个方面，在遇到苦难的时候她也会挺身而出。你可以从文字中感觉到，尽管有时她会感到压力，但她真的很享受四年来在团队中所积累的经验和联系。

招生官员会从这篇文书中了解到，这是一个有毅力、有奉献精神的学生。她不仅在整个高中都致力于这一课外活动，她还在组织内发挥了影响力，这一点从她创建的导师项目和她在确保团队整体成功方面所扮演的积极角色可以看出。此外，作者展示了脆弱的一面，证明她虽然有明显的驱动力，但她是有层次的。

除了展示她的领导能力，她还有效地向招生委员会展示了她将成为什么样的学生，以及她将如何为社区做出贡献。招生官在读完这篇文章后，很可能会觉得这就是他们想要的学生!

问题二：

Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.（每个人都有创造性的一面，它可以通过多种方式表现出来:解决问题、原创和创新思维、艺术创作等等。描述一下你是如何表达你的创造力的？）

范文：

440 Hz exactly. The flames flare to life, forming the perfect wave length as I transitioned from note to note, the curves transitioning along. My classmates crowded around as I sang (shouted?) into the Ruben’s tube, a simple PVC pipe with holes cut at even intervals so that high notes translated to beautiful waves of flames.

The fight to get a vocal teacher in the first place was an uphill run. Singing, unlike playing the piano or learning to draw, wasn’t deemed worthy of spending money on - wasn’t even seen as a skill. After multiple pitches, I finally got my way, just a foot in the door: one month.

It was an odd request from a girl raised to be stringent with money, knowing that a few hours of lessons was equivalent to a new pair of tennis shoes to replace her mother’s long-broken in ones. It started with a classmate’s hate list - number 1? Me. For my voice - -the single-most confusing criterion. I couldn’t change my speaking voice. But in an environment which valued acapellas and Barbershop choirs, singing - singing I could improve on.

Six years later, I’m still driving down to lessons every week. I haven’t performed outside of karaokes, I haven’t released recordings to the public, and there’s no record of my voice anywhere in the public eye. But years of vocal exercises and training has done so much for me, even outside of music in strengthening tone and amplitude.

It wasn’t until high school that I could reap the benefits, not byway of choir, but through debate. Walking into round meant adopting an entirely new persona, a thick-skinned, articulate force to be reckoned with. Crossfire was my time to shine, to show how I could twist their arguments to fit my logic, and win. My best tournament came with a topic that coincided with my interests - genetically modified foods. In wielding knowledge of biology, from the damages of fertilizer to individual agricultural efficiency methods, we not only won all rounds undefeated, but managed to score the top speaker position and of course a trophy to signify my newly-found voice.

I remember standing in an half empty auditorium, standing far away from the students, pitching my virtues as a secretary for a middle school honor society. My arguments were sound, as the first row of students mentioned to me later, nodding along. But with the counselor repeating, like an endless drone - speak louder, yell - the simple repetition of my spiel simply lost its use. I sat down with never-mind-eyes cast to the floor, withdrawing from the election.

（翻译仅供大致参考：确切地说是440赫兹。当我从一个音符过渡到另一个音符时，火焰闪耀着生命，形成了完美的波长，曲线沿着过渡。当我对着鲁本管唱歌时，我的同学们围了过来。鲁本管是一种简单的PVC管，每隔一段时间都要开几个洞，这样高音就会变成美丽的火焰。

一开始，争取声乐老师的斗争是一场艰苦的斗争。唱歌，不像弹钢琴或学画画，被认为不值得花钱——甚至不被视为一种技能。经过多次尝试后，我终于如愿以偿，仅仅是迈出了第一步:一个月。

这是个奇怪的要求，她从小就被教育要精打细算，知道上几个小时的网球课就相当于换一双新的网球鞋，来代替她妈妈那一双已经断了很久的网球鞋。它始于一个同学的讨厌清单——第1?我。对于我的声音来说——这是最令人困惑的标准。我无法改变我说话的声音。但在一个重视无伴奏合唱和理发店唱诗班的环境中，唱歌——唱歌我还可以提高。

六年过去了，我仍然每周开车去上课。我没有在卡拉ok以外的地方表演过，我没有向公众发布过我的录音，在公众眼中也没有我的录音。但多年的声乐练习和训练对我有了很大的帮助，甚至在音乐之外也加强了音调和振幅。

直到上了高中，我才开始受益，不是通过唱诗班，而是通过辩论。走进圆形的辩论大厅意味着采用一种全新的形象，一种厚脸皮、能言善辩的力量。交火是我的闪光点，展示我如何扭曲他们的论点，使之符合我的逻辑，并赢得胜利。我最精彩的比赛伴随着一个我感兴趣的话题——转基因食品。在运用生物学知识的过程中，从肥料的危害到个别的农业效率方法，我们不仅在所有的比赛中都取得了不败的成绩，而且还获得了最佳演讲者的位置，当然还有一个奖杯，象征着我的新声音。

我记得站在半空的礼堂里，站在离学生很远的地方，宣传我作为中学荣誉社团的秘书的优点。我的论点是正确的，第一排的学生后来向我提到，并点头附和。但是随着顾问的重复，就像没完没了的嗡嗡声——大声说话，大声叫喊——我简单重复的长篇大论就失去了意义。我坐了下来，眼睛茫然地望着地板，退出了选举。）

解析：

这篇文章的作者采用了一种有趣的方法，通过编织在各种情况下寻找和使用她的声音的例子来突出她的创造力。她的故事传达的两个品质是韧性和坚韧。这可以从以下事实中得到证明：她在孩提时代就曾被人欺负和忽视，但通过声乐课程，尽管以一种出乎意料的方式，她仍然能够找到自己的声音和自信。作为额外的内容，招生官还从这篇文书中了解了学生的一些学术和课外兴趣，如生物学、食品科学和辩论。

问题三：

What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?（你认为你最大的天赋或技能是什么?随着时间的推移，你是如何培养和展示这种才能的?）

范文：

My chest is burning, my eyes are stinging, and my legs are numb. A thousand thoughts are passing through my brain, but I cannot grasp any of them. All I can do is keep pushing forward. Strangely enough, it is this moment when I feel most alive and connected with the universe. This is my life under water. I have been a swimmer since I was eight years old, for both a swim club and a high school team. In the water, the stress and anxiety from school fades away, allowing me to relax in peace and tranquility.

The best swimmers are 5'10" with broad shoulders and huge feet. These characteristics are advantages during competitions because the athletes are able to move faster in the pool without being pushed back by the waves. I am not a typical swimmer. I am half- Black and half- Mexican, topping out at a whopping 5'0". My skills are not Olympic-bound, but I am passionate about the sport despite the fact that I initially felt like an outlier.

Even though I used to get lonely when swimming, I found a huge amount of joy in being a part of the sport at my high school. Our team started off with only six members, most of whom had never even been to a swim meet before. Eventually we gained enough participants and experience to compete against other schools. We were neither the largest nor the fastest team, but I did not care. I had finally found a group of people I connected with. More importantly, I found a group with whom I could share my passion. The daily routine of striving to perfect our techniques formed a bond between us that resulted in the sense of a family. I felt honored when I was chosen as captain and MVP; however, my deepest honor was simply having opportunity to join the team.

After I graduate, I hope that the swim team continues to prosper. Then, maybe it will become another young girl's safe haven, the way the sport has always been mine.

（翻译仅供大致参考：我的胸部在燃烧，我的眼睛刺痛，我的腿麻木了。无数的想法掠过我的脑海，但我一个也抓不住。我唯一能做的就是继续前进。奇怪的是，正是在这一刻，我觉得自己充满活力，与宇宙紧密相连。这就是我的水下生活。我从八岁起就一直是一名游泳运动员，参加过游泳俱乐部，也参加过高中队。在水里，学校的压力和焦虑都消失了，让我在平静中放松。

最好的游泳运动员身高5英尺10英寸，肩膀宽阔，脚掌宽大。这些特点在比赛中是有优势的，因为运动员能够在泳池中移动得更快，而不会被波浪推回来。我不是一个典型的游泳运动员。我有一半黑人血统，一半墨西哥血统，最高身高5英尺0英寸。我的技能不是Olympic-bound，但我热爱这项运动，即使我起初感到像一个局外人。

尽管我曾经在游泳时感到孤独，但在高中时，我发现成为这项运动的一员带来了巨大的快乐。我们队开始时只有六名队员，其中大多数人以前甚至没有参加过游泳比赛。最终，我们获得了足够的参与者和经验来与其他学校竞争。我们既不是最大也不是最快的球队，但我不在乎。我终于找到了一群与我有联系的人。更重要的是，我找到了一个可以分享我的激情的团队。每天努力完善我们的技术形成了我们之间的纽带，导致了家庭的感觉。当我被选为队长和MVP的时候，我感到很荣幸;然而，我最大的荣幸只是有机会加入这个团队。

毕业后，我希望游泳队继续繁荣昌盛。然后，也许它会成为另一个年轻女孩的避风港，就像这项运动对我而言。）

解析：

这篇文章之所以成功，是因为它触动了招生官的情感。这位申请人在讨人喜欢方面得分很高。作为一个读者，你可以很快地与作者联系起来，并为他们喝彩。这名学生给人的印象是专注、坚定、谦逊、有欣赏力、有爱心和真诚——在短短350个字里，要完成这么多。

问题四：

What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?（你做了什么让你的学校或社区变得更好?）

范文：

“Hi, this is Teen Line, what’s bothering you tonight?” That simple phrase rings through the tiny room, merely enough space for a few desks and chairs. On one end of the line is a teenager, sharing stories of anything from the dark dread of depression and anxiety to a plea for a savior from the downward spiral of suicide. A tearful voice, desperate for help - a girl barely in high school, suffering at the hands of her “friends” and on the brink of suicide, complete with a plan to choke herself with a dog leash.

It’s another hard-hitting story for the night, one that affects all the listeners in the room. But by the end of the hour, we’ve not only managed to get her resources like the National Suicide Hotline, but also managed to get her laughing. It’s a skill that is extremely hard to master, to put aside your fears of failure and empathize. To move from a situation edging on a police call to one with a girl singing songs and laughing at jokes is a seemingly impossible feat that the volunteers at Teen Line must perform every shift, one that takes a lot of inner strength.

For me, entering Teen Line was an odd activity for a family whose culture did not center around talking out feelings. Yet, I specifically sought out a suicide hotline in which a high schooler could participate; it was my chance to give back, to listen and hopefully guide those who were willing to seek help, an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on. It was an opportunity to do for others what I could not obtain for myself, and for that I am grateful. Whether calls from low-income neighborhoods of the nearby Los Angeles to international Skypes of New Zealand and India, never have I felt more productive. The end of a shift always left me with the same satisfied feeling of knowing that someone who needed to be heard was acknowledged, just a small rippling effect on one caller leaving a lifetime’s worth of impression.（翻译仅供大致参考：“嗨，我是Teen Line，今晚有什么烦心事吗?”这句简单的话在狭小的房间里回荡，空间只够放几张桌子和椅子。电话的另一端是一个十几岁的少年，他分享着各种各样的故事，从抑郁和焦虑的黑暗恐惧，到祈求救世主将自己从自杀的恶性循环中拯救出来。一个含泪的声音，绝望地寻求帮助——一个高中女孩，在她的“朋友”的手中遭受痛苦，濒临自杀的边缘，并计划用狗链勒死自己。

这是今晚另一个震撼人心的故事，它影响着在场的所有听众。但在这一小时结束的时候，我们不仅设法让她得到了一些资源，比如国家自杀热线，还设法让她笑了起来。这是一项很难掌握的技能，要把人对失败的恐惧放在一边，移情。从接到报警电话的边缘，到一个女孩一边唱歌一边听着笑话大笑的边缘，似乎是一件不可能的事情，青少年线(Teen Line)的志愿者必须完成每一个轮班，这需要很大的内在力量。

对我来说，对于一个文化不以倾诉情感为中心的家庭来说，进入“Teen Line”是一项奇怪的活动。然而，我特意找了一条高中生可以参与的自杀热线;这是我回馈社会的机会，倾听那些愿意寻求帮助的人，并满怀希望地引导他们，给他们一个倾听的耳朵和一个可以依靠的肩膀。这是一个为别人做自己无法得到的事情的机会，为此我很感激。无论是和洛杉矶附近的低收入社区打电话还是新西兰和印度的国际skype电话，我从未感到如此高效。每次换班结束时，我都会有一种满足感，因为我知道，那些需要被倾听的人得到了承认，只是一个小小的涟漪效应，就会给一个打电话的人留下一生难忘的印象。

解析：

这是另一篇能表达读者情感的文章。这是一篇引人注目的文章，不仅因为它的内容，而且因为招生官员在最后有一个真正的感觉，这个学生是什么样的人。该学生具有高度的成熟度，是一个真诚的，愿意承担巨大责任的年轻人。

除了确定作者的价值观和品质外，这篇文章写得非常好。语言的生动运用让读者在时间和地点上都沉浸在那个特殊的夜晚的情感之旅中。

有时招生官员不得不在更大的委员会面前介绍候选人。在这个例子中，如果学生的其他申请材料总体上很好，但在某些方面可能略弱，那么如果最终决定录取时，官员可能会努力确保这个学生被录取。简单地说，这是一个招生官员希望他作为校园社区的一部分的学生。

注：本文参考资料来自外媒报道